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Pass notes, No 3,116: François Hollande

The politician that has France’s bankers quaking in their boots

Age: 57.

Appearance: Middle-aged white Frenchman.

A Frenchie. What did he do to earn a place in Pass notes? Was it shagging or was it striking? It was being a politician. Hollande’s plans for France have got its bankers quaking in their boots.

Is he the titchy bloke married to that foxy singer? a) That’s President Sarkozy, and b) the Guardian NEVER, EVER, EVER describes women as “foxy”.

So what’s Hollande’s background? He’s the rural MP who led the Socialists for 11 years. Now he’s standing for them in the presidential election.

What about the woman who did it last time? Ségolène Royal? She’s now president of the Poitou-Charentes regional council, which is every bit as exciting as it sounds. She and Hollande were a couple until 2007, but split after Royal’s defeat.

She kept the CDs, he took the presidential nomination? Nothing so amicable. Royal stood in the primary last year, but scraped less than 7% of the vote.

So what are Hollande’s chances? Right now, he’s well ahead of both Sarkozy and Marine Le Pen of the Front National.

Take that, evil rightwing Islamophobes! What’s Hollande’s platform? In two words, tax and spend.

That’s actually thr– Shut up. He’s promised to boost state spending by €20bn by 2017 and create 60,000 teaching posts and 150,000 subsidised jobs for young people.

Which he’ll pay for by … ? Axeing €29bn worth of tax breaks for the rich and squeezing as much as he can out of the banks. He also wants to cap bonuses.

No wonder the gnomes of Paris have got their petites culottes in a twist. Mais oui. His “real adversary”, he recently said, is “the world of finance”. Sarkozy’s party leader has compared Hollande to Hugo Chávez.

The free-spending Venezuelan president who spends more time courting the poor than sucking up to the rich? That’s the one. It was meant as an insult.

Do say: “At last, a politician who’s not afraid to take on vested interests …”

Don’t say: “… just like Barack Obama.” © 2012 Guardian News and Media Limited or its affiliated companies. All rights reserved. | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds